It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
I hope that no one will claim to know the final answers; no good comes from prophets. But even when acknowledging our falibility, we must nevertheless continue to think about these matters and give the advice to others that intellect and conscience dictate. And let God be our judge, as our grandparents used to say. - Sakharov
Baka ni tsukeru kusuriwa nai (There's no medicine to cure stupidity) - an old Japanese Proverb
PBad sent me some pretty funny rants found in Craiglist's classifieds
section today. Its not suprising to find Silicon Valley residents
vocalizing how irritating to have to work so hard for the retarded
singles scene. Bay Area Women take note, if you call the Bay Area home
and you haven't spent much time outside California or the United States
... its likely that you have Bay Area
Bitch
Syndrome (BABS). Go get it diagnosed and fixed by taking a long
vacation outside the country. The funny craigslist ads are
attached in the
content, if you read this in time, you may be lucky enough to email the
anonymous user. I'm fully aware that BABS isn't limited to just
around here, but ask any outsider living in San Jose about the
situation here and I'll guarantee you'll acknowledge its all fubared
here.
Women, a few minutes of your time please.
Reply to:
Date: Wed May 18 14:33:54 2005
Of course, when I say "a few minutes", I am not talking as in "I'll be
ready in a few minutes", but the actual quantifiable unit of time. I am
a man, well a 27 year old single man to be specific. On occasion, I
happen to read the personals here on Craigslist, and I think that some
of you "women seeking men" don't subscribe to general reality. Let's
look at a few examples...
Height - This appears to
be a common trait that women here seek out, though actual preferred
height seems to vary. However, when you say something like this, "i
like tall guys, they have to be 6 feet tall, i can't respect a guy
who's shorter than me" it's a bit boggling. Congratulations lady, you
just knocked out about 85% of the male populous from your preferred
demographic, and that is just on a single stated preference!. If you
are attracted to taller men, that is fine but just understand that the
more exclusive you are, the less there is to choose from. According to
NHCS statistics, about 50% of men are between 5'7 and 5'11. 25% of men
are 5'11 or taller, 15% are 6'0 or taller, and 5% are 6'2 or taller.
You see the trend? Like most men out there, I reside in that 5'7-5'11
range, since I happen to be 5'10.
Da Smarts -
Let's be frank here, what do you actually want? Are you talking
intelligence, educational status, or money. The three are not mutually
exclusive or inclusive. There are many well educated people who are
broke as fuck, such as teachers. They have the status of being a
professional, but can't pay the rent. Then there are many people who
never went to college, but are raking in the dough. Successful
entrepreneurship does not require education, just hard work and a bit
of luck. Intelligence of course cuts across all these examples as a
third factor, and can break either way. You will often find stupidity
among the successful and educated, just as you will find intelligence
among the failures and uneducated. Please specify! It's not hard really
to find men, such as myself, who currently possess decent portions of
these characteristics. However, those men who possess a large degree
all three are usually no longer single. If they are, you should
probably ask yourself why.
Looks Department - "Yah
I want a hot, sexy, athletic, built, blah blah blah blah ..." Okay,
great. We know this. There are quite a few good looking guys out there,
so you're in luck! However, if you are holding out for the perfect male
specimen, you are going to be disappointed. Not only will he probably
not be interested in you when you do happen to find him, but he also
probably won't fit into the rest of your desired categories. Basically,
what I am saying is that if you find someone attractive, but not
perfect, give him a shot anyway if he seems to fit the rest of your
profile. If you're really looking for a LTR and not NSA, then you owe
it to yourself. Be realistic.
I want, I want, I want...
- Yah that's nice, you want all of those things but what do you bring
to the freaking table? From the male perspective, I think the most
annoying personal is the one that stipulates a number of
conditions/demands, without revealing anything about themselves.
Basically, in doing so you have just declared that you have a selfish
personality and are only interested in your needs. Thanks, but no
thanks.
Negativity - So you have had some bad
relationships, but why do you have to take it out on the rest of us?
"Looking for a Man not a Boy", "All guys want nowadays...", insert
random gender overgeneralization and/or male bashing comment. Hell yah,
that's the best way to attract some good guys! More bitterness please!
Come on now, do you really want to advertise your emotional baggage?
Also, you have got to love the "I know there is no chance of me ever
finding someone here, but..." posts. Have you ever heard of a self
fulfilling prophecy?
Inflexibility - Let me
introduce you to a basic principle of probability. Let's say you are in
the San Jose area, and are looking for a single (31%) white (48%) man,
25-34 (about 18%) who is 6'0 or taller (15%), doesn't smoke cigarettes
(82%), and possess a Bachelor's degree or higher (32%). Assuming we are
dealing with independent events here (which of course they are not, but
this is just a rough example), all of those factors are multiplied
together, and therefore we are only talking about 1/1000 men in the San
Jose area. We haven't even delved into the intangibles yet such as
looks, personality, wit, etc. Now granted, you are probably going to
get a higher caliber of clientele from Craigslist, nonetheless the
point here should be clearly illustrated. The more restrictions you
adhere to, the less of a selection you will have.
Women's FAQ
Where are all the good guys? Why are men all pigs? Why can't I find someone? Where's my soulmate? Where is he?!!
Chill...
Let me introduce you to something I like to call the Archonian paradox.
When it comes to the casual dating scene, Women clearly have an
advantage, as men are far more interested in casual dating than women
are. However, when it comes to the search for LTRs, men hold all the
cards. Women on the whole are far more interested in meaningful
relationships, especially as both groups age. See the problem lies in
the fact that while all you single women were dating the "bad boys"
back in your late teens and early 20s, all the good men were being
snatched up. So now as you approach your late 20s and early 30s, guess
what? The creep/gentlemen ratio among men has increased sharply, and
you find yourselves having to weed through those same bad boys you were
dating earlier just to find that diamond in the rough. Yah, from the
perspective of a good man truly looking for a LTR, the pick of the
litter is not too shabby anymore.
Do you believe there is that one person out there for everyone, that perfect match?
Uhh,
no. If that was the case, with over 6 billion people in the world, what
if he/she lives in somewhere like Latvia? You're going to be shit out
of luck. I believe that each of us has a connection threshold and that
there are many people out there who are qualified to fill it. The
objective of life is to find a person among them, and commit to them,
so that you can both live out your lives happily together. I realize
that this is still a somewhat idealistic view, but I am a positive
person, and you should be too.
Hey, you said you're still single, so what the hell is your problem?
A
fair question. Actually I was in a long term relationship for quite
some time, and only recently I realized it just wasn't in the cards.
The breakup was amiable, but now I find myself back on the market. Some
lucky woman out there is going to score herself a good man. It's not
arrogance, but self confidence. When I find said women, I will
undoubtedly be fortunate to be with her as well.
Why can't I meet a single doctor, lawyer, Ivy League MBA, ie. single rich professional?
To
be honest, because these guys are all married before they finish
medical/law/graduate school. Sorry, if you didn't snatch them up before
they became rich, you have already been beaten to the punch.
Do you subscribe to ladder theory?
Only marginally. There are some tenets I agree with, and some I don't.
OMG, I completely disagree with x, y, and z. Why are you so full of shit?
I
believe you have made an incorrect analysis of the available facts at
hand. I suggest you reexamine your decision making process, and check
for errors which have undoubtedly occurred.
Are you some sort of psychologist, sociologist, or therapist?
No,
but I did stay in a Holiday Inn express last night. I also just saved a
ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
This
one is just funny... I'm sure you guys can relate! Oh, and here's
ladder theory that he talks about: http://www.laddertheory.com
RANT: Improper Blowjob Technique
Reply to:
Date: Tue May 24 10:24:40 2005
This is really becoming ridiculous. I am tired of hooking up with
attractive women who, though they have been on this Earth for two to
three decades, don't have the first idea on how to properly smoke a
pole. This is especially egregious when I have just spent 30-60 minutes
getting excited bewteen their beautiful, tender thighs taking orders
(and my arms, neck and tongue are now completely numb, stiff and/or
have pins and needles) and I've let them smoke a generous helping of my
good weed.
In addition to my keys, wallet, cell phone,
guitar picks, and condoms, I now carry a yellow hankerchief on my
person at all times. I also have one stored just underneath my futon.
The next time I begin to receive another piss poor blowjob, I am going
to yank the woman's head from my member, stand up, put on a black and
white stripped shirt I recently purchased, throw the yellow hankerchief
into the air and bellow the following in a loud voice so that all
within at least 25 feet can hear me:
"We have multiple
infractions on the play. Personal foul, on the offense, tugging,
pulling, sucking and slopping on my penis in reckless disregard of
whether or not I may actually be enjoying myself. Illegal touching,
using teeth on my member and stroking it well below my dickhead, where
the penis is not one bit sesitive in any way, except in a woman's
misinformed imagination. The player is EJECTED!"
There will be no further review of my ruling.
You will then be so taken aback by this display of me standing naked
(except for my black and white stripped shirt, and probably my socks)
and gesticulating along with my announcement that you will promptly
leave my bedroom to the chuckles of both myself and my roomates, never
to return. (Unless I'm THAT wasted and no one else is around. Or you
just want anal.)
If you are in need of pointers, read on. Otherwise, have a nice day.
First, (assuming the man is on his back) take the pole into your hand
and pull it straight up into the air. Don't pull it too far back- if it
breaks off, there is certainly going to be some trouble and you may
find yourself charged with negligent manslaughter after I bleed to
death.
Firmly gripping the base of the shaft with one
hand, then place your ENTIRE mouth around the upright penis and slowly
suck to an area AT LEAST 1"-2" inches below the dickhead. This is where
the penis is most sensitive. If you concentrate exclusively on the
dickhead, it will be too sensitive and the BJ will be more torture than
pleasure. Avoid this, especially if you don't want me to keep sucking
on your clit after you come in my mouth and you are writhing atop my
bed because of the sensitivity.
After my stiff 7"
(actually, 6.8", but if you are experienced enough to tell the
difference you must be carrying at least 2 diseases and you shouldn't
be in my bedroom) has been sufficiently made wet by your mouth slowly
moving up and down my pole, it's time to introduce the hand into the
equation.
You instinctively put your hand over your mouth
to project your voice to distances over 20 yards away in the event of
emergency, such as, "Hey! That fucking dickhead from the Parking
Authority who just earned his GED is about to write you a ticket for
double-parking while you bring your groceries into your apartment!" Use
the same technique here- place your hand over your mouth, just between
your lips and nose, and continue to suck! Both your hand and soft lips
are now gliding up and down my dickhead and shaft, providing me with
indescrible pleasure. (If not for this, I wouldn't be hanging out with
you in the first place.)
Now DON'T actually yell out
while my blessed member is in your mouth (especially to someone from
the Parking Authority) but note that the excitement could be increased
even further if you would moan and purr like you are enjoying my cock
more than that box of chocolates that you keep dipping into despite
your vow to be on your tenth straight diet. (It doesn't matter if you
actually ARE enjoying it- sometimes licking your snatch is like licking
the inside of someone's nose with a sinus infection, yet I don't
complain.)
Do NOT- I repeat, NOT- ever stroke the cock
where the shaft meets the balls. There is absolutely no sensitivity in
that area. Your hand properly belongs over your mouth. Even worse is
when a woman starts pulling on the scrotum in that area, thinking you
might enjoy it. How about I try pulling your ears from your face? It
would be just as sexually pleasureable.
If your technique
is proper, most men will be morphed into a two-minute tiger. The cock
will stiffen within minutes to a degree greater than the body of the
City's 231st shooting victim of the year down at the morgue.
Ejaculation is now imminent! It is VERY important that you continue
sucking for at least 3-4 seconds following the first cumblasts spraying
the back of your throat. This will ensure that the involuntary trigger
reflex in my penis will begin. Like an AK-47 in the hands of Iraqi
insurgents, properly triggering off my pole will ensure that it will
keep firing and firing until the entire contents of my burdened balls
effortlessly make my way into your mouth in one fell swoop and the
12,000,000,000 potential children begin the journey down your esophogus
to their final destination of swimming around in your stomach.
If you pull away too soon, the penis will not successfully trigger and
will not continue shooting itself off without some extra effort on your
part. It's best to get it all out at once so I don't have to awkwardly
begin pleading and screaming, "Omigod! Omigod! Baby, there's more!
There's more! Keep sucking! Keep sucking!" at the height of ecstasy.
Bonus points if you flick your tongue at the base of my dickhead while I'm exploding in your mouth.
After you are confident that all of the sperm has been drained from my
testicles (or, my hand releases its vice-grip on the back of your head-
whichever comes first), then you may remove your mouth from my penis
and slowly lick up and down my still-twiching shaft. Lick the balls,
too- they LOVE you at this moment. Then, pull my shaft back up toward
you and slowly, softly suck for a few more seconds to top everything
off. You can have anything you want from my refridgerator as I quickly
fall off to sleep.
